I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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