i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
