I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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