Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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