Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I need to align my fucking chakras
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