I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize