I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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