We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
