ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
