You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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