This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
