You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize