ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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