Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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