i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Found your dick twin last night
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
