How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
