He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
