Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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