I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
