Old men and throwing up are my life now.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
