I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
