Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
