Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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