So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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