She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i've created a new STD.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
