Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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