Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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