Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I want to have your abortion
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
