also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
even my farts smell like vagina
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
