Your mouth is God's brothel.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
