I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
