i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
