I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
