On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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