I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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