She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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