I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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