Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
