she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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