Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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