I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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