hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
