new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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