You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Drunk is a universal language darling
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