There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize