9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
im on a boat
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