Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
