I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
