i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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