Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
