i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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