well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
