That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
