one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
