I must be too annoying 4 u.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
