we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
