We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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