I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
