Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
