I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
