sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
