Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
