so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize