I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
