Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
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