Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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