It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
