ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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