The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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