I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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