Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
