We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
