No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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